I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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