We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
