hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
