I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
