That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
