it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
