I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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