Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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