I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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