There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
