I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
