And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
