Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
