the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Randomize
