i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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