She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i think my cat just said my name.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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