A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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