Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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