Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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