she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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