guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
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Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
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At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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