But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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