Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
