none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize