I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
