Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
