Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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