If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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