no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So apparently I’m into choking now
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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