Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
