i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
