I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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