i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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