Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize