i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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