Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize