I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Randomize
