The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Randomize
