worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
