3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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