shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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