Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sext me about skeletons
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize