I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
