I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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