I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
