For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
