would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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