I hate your face
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
