I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
