I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
