We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
