Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.