My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
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We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
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In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.