But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
