Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
