I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
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Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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