I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
