Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
