I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
