it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize