So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
