Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
