you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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