I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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