I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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