a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
