I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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