My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
