just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
